On Addiction: The Old Man vs The New Man
I am a PK (preacher’s kid) and have followed in my Dad’s footsteps as a pastor for 20 years now. One of my fondest memories growing up as a PK was after the church services were over and Dad changed out of his Presbyterian robe, we would head to McDonalds to be “rewarded” for a job well done with Big Mac’s. Another Sunday was in the books and so we stuffed our faces with two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun.
Thus began my unhealthy relationship with food.
I know there are so many of you who get this. Food – oh – innocuous food. We need it every day. We need it to live, for crying out loud. But like any of God’s good provisions (yes, even in the form of McDonald’s faux beef), we often misuse it and make it into an idol. We DESERVE this! We’ve had a hard day, after all! We’ve done a good job, after all! And so, we disregard the destructive calories in the name of comfort or reward – just for today – just this time – we’ve earned it – we’ve been through a lot! Tomorrow will be the salad day. But today we feast!
And then tomorrow’s difficulties and/or jobs-well-done come and we start all over again.
I’m well acquainted with my unhealthy relationship to food. How I have often used it either as a momentary escape from the struggles of life or as a reward for a job well done. There is a part of me when in the middle of a bad day says, “Jay, this is hard. But a Big Mac would make you feel better.” And then there’s another part of me when I’ve overcome a challenge or done something well that says, “Nice job, Jay! Big Mac time!” And then after I eat, I regret.
This is what the Apostle Paul describes as the battle between the “old man” and the “new man”. There are old man parts in me and new man parts in me. And they battle every day. I can’t count the number of times I’ve thought of his words in Romans 7:15 in the aftermath of this fight with my old man parts: “For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate”. It’s the language of all addicts everywhere. And whether you struggle with food or booze or pornography or gambling or whatever other destructive behavior that suits you, you’ve probably said something like it to yourself as well. But I’m learning and growing day by day and so can you. The new man parts are getting bigger and the old man parts are starting to shrink.
There are 4 things that are helping me in this fight that I thought I’d pass along to my fellow strugglers:
1. I admit that I can’t win the fight in my own strength. That my will is not enough. And I ask for God’s help. Anyone who’s familiar with the Alcoholic’s Anonymous steps toward recovery knows that this is a summary of their first two. So when the temptation comes, I’m learning to pray first. “God help me”. As simple as that.
2. I remind myself that this addiction is not what defines me. That even though I struggle with the temptation, I am, as Paul puts it, a new creation in Christ. That while the old man parts of me still sing that Big Mac jingle, I am a new man in Jesus. And therefore I am no longer under condemnation (Romans 8:1). See, I am learning that there is another old man part of me that condemns me for my weaknesses and says to me that I’m a loser and I’m weak. And the culture backs him up with so many guilt-trip mantras that also say I am. But I am not. I am a new creation. And there is a new man growing inside of me, won by the Christ of God who gave himself up for me so that I no longer am defined by the shame of my shortcomings. I need to remind myself of that all the time, because it’s not the shame driving me to better performance that wins the day. It’s my victory in Jesus and the new identity He won for me.
3. I am therefore learning to ask the new man parts (aka Christ in me) to instruct those old man parts. Now this may seem like psychological mumbo-jumbo to some of you. But Paul goes on to remind us in Romans 8 that the Spirit of God is at work in us – groaning within us toward healing. And so I have a little conversation with myself in the midst of the struggle. Yes, I talk to myself. (We do it all the time so we might as well make it useful, right?!?). I say, “New man Jay, can you please tell the old man part of me that feels like it needs food for comfort that we’ve got better comfort in the Gospel?” Or, “New man Jay, can you please tell the old man part of me that feels like it needs a reward for a job well done that the better reward is cooperating with the Spirit who really wants what’s best for me?” It’s amazing how these little conversations put things into the right perspective and shuts down the other shaming old man parts.
4. And lastly, I’m learning to give all those old man parts something better to do with their time. I asked some chef friends what cookbooks they like best that teach about the glories of good food. And I recently binge-watched Gordon Ramsey’s “Ultimate Cookery Course” on Amazon Prime. And the result is that I’m teaching my old man parts how to change their abuse of food into something really beautiful…and healthy…and tasty! Yes, I’m learning how to manage my old man parts from Gordon Ramsey, the star of the show “Hell’s Kitchen!” Seriously, my new man is teaching my old man parts a new job: to cook really well. To appreciate food and to redeem it into the blessing it was always meant to be. And they are starting to get excited about these new food creations much more than Big Mac’s (or even the double meat, double cheese from 5 Guys)!
To be clear, I still have my bad days when my old man parts seem to win. But I feel my old man parts now being transformed by the power of the Gospel. And so can you. As Paul concludes in Romans 8, God is for us! “He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?” (v. 32). And in the end we will be victorious over our addictions and sin in Him. We are not losers. “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us (v. 37)”.